g.e.t.

Dear Grandma,

The weight of language, endless conversation, and nightly outings has left me quite tired lately. I have been exploring the life of the pueblo... Which, roughly translated, means, I have been inviting myself places so I can have friends here. It's an interesting concept... living in a place for nine months...entering someone's life and expecting, or seeking, rather, friendship for a set period of time. In addition, take into consideration the flow of the conversation...you speak like a foreigner, you act like a foreigner, and half the time you are either pretending to understand or you are tirelessly repeating the phrase, "como se dice."

The last two weeks have consisted of late nights with friends, lots of drinks, long, lazy Saturday afternoon lunches of recuperation and language immersion (laced with the muddled smell of a hangover), and lots of love. Sunday...we continue in the same manner--lots of food, family, but, less alcohol, because the next day, I have to pretend I can function normally.

I have been living in the pueblo a little over 2 months now. But, I feel like my life here is just beginning. I don't feel like I'm at summer camp anymore...However, I don't think until my language is more understandable will I be able to feel like I am not a complete outsider. It's very easy to leave the pueblo on the weekends, because, in reality, if I'm not with a family eating on the weekends, there is absolutely nothing to do in the pueblo--no stores, no movie theaters, and all the young people here have boyfriends and families of their own. It leaves you with two choices---be annoying and invite yourself (as ever graciously as you can) into their home or leave to explore Europe. I don't think there is a right or a wrong way to doing this...it's like everything else in life--a learning experience.

But, I'm never scared...I am just still adapting. How can this all be happening? I am ever so conscious of not considering my end date here as definitive...I prefer to think of it as just another possibility...I guess I am so used to being asked as to my direction in life, I am still not accustomed to living in a bubble of ignorance and confusion. I don't know when it will come if ever...All I know is that the grace I experience everyday in the 25 person-large hugs I receive from my first graders, the smiles I receive from my co-workers, and the instantly warm hospitality I experience with the families that live here, I have done something right in my life to deserve this. I am not sure that I will ever be able to reciprocate what they have given me...but, I hope that my presence in their life can be as half as important as theirs is to me.

Un besito.


Mexico-The Staves