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New thing.

When I'm not gettin' all emotional, existential, philosophical, symbolic, annoying, etc. etc., I'm going to post things I find that I like...

bbeeeccaaauuuseee

It's fun to do.

So, first, get nostalgic with this: Easter bunnies* (courtesy of: YouTube user gemtracker)

It's only 7 minutes and you feel like that little kid again...hunting for easter eggs, being pampered and primped in an ostentatious sundress and hat that made you look 40 years old at age 3....

Thanks, mom.

Also, a song...

Because music brightens a day...

To begin, a favorite of mine right now from Rapture: How Deep is Your Love** (courtesy of: YouTube user Noisey)

And, finally, words of inspiration:

Keep it simple.

Worrying about the future limits us to relish what lay in front of us.

Live in the now.


Where I was a year ago....

Cancun, Spring Break

Easter with family

Where I am now...

New traditions

New friends

New food

New students/pets (note: fabrication of material)

New scenery

Something beautiful...

absimado: part 2

I wasn't intending on writing part two this way...However, unforeseen forces beyond my control have influenced me to write the following.

Abismado (definition): "to be amazed; to be astonished"

I recently read this word in a book, "El Principito" (being read in Spanish). I fell in love...

I asked one of my students about the word. This particular student and I have 2 hour long conversations every Thursday night, whether we want to or not. We have discussed everything from religion, to marriage, to dreams, regrets, love, practicality, etc. He is my lifeline when I feel the abandonment of being an expat in the pueblo.

He first was abismado himself that I knew the word...And didn't know how to explain it to me in English. (Courtney--1, Spain--0) I threw out some synonyms I had found, and he agreed, but still struggled to accept the synonyms as the only way to explain the significance of the word.

This reminded me of another Spanish word I had learned almost 9 months ago that increased my love and anticipation for the Spanish culture and people...duende.

This whole past weekend I was overcome with emotion--abismado.

First of all, I was in Rome.

Back up, back up.

If you have been fortunate enough to go to Rome, you know that:

a) it wasn't built in a day

AND

b) when in Rome...

So, for me a) signifies that it shouldn't be SEEN in a day, nor two and b) eat and drink until you can't walk, ONLY AFTER having been overwhelmed by the history and culture that still stands, rooted, surrounding you.

I felt unbelievably fortunate to know the people I know...always have and always will. One of my friends from my internship program, two summers ago, is a Roman and hosted me for two nights. He even took me on an authentic tour and did the touristy things that he has been asked to do about a 1094290812 times. Unfortunately, for me, in preparation for the conclave, the Vatican and Sistine Chapel were closed to the public. Now i have an excuse to return and be overwhelmed in new and exciting ways that are beyond my comprehension.

Bernini, the Italian architect who built St. Peter's Square wanted the feeling of shock and awe (abismado) to fall upon the people as they enter the marble pillars. What lies within--the holiest of holies.

That he did.

So, let's connect that past with this present. Here I am in the origin of the organized world as we know it. And of course, I have to flash it on Facebook.

HELLOOO WORLLD. I'M AT THIS FAMOUS PLACE CALLED THE TREVI FOUNTAIN AND I THREW THAT COIN INTO THAT WATER. HOLLERR ATTCHHYOO GURRRL.

Pathetic like-count.. Poor showing...But, who happens to message me? One of the religion teachers from my high school. Slightly rando, but, pleasantly surprising.

After patience and planning, we finally reunited and had a walk through the St. Peter's Square at night...dark, glorious, and almost completely empty. This teacher proceeded to reveal three things:

1) This is his first trip alone.

2) He is here representing the American Catholic Church. So, Hey! Media hub! Put me on TV!

3) He prays the conclave has a decision by Tuesday because his flight leaves early Wednesday morning.

We had a two-hour rendezvous and, then, I had my flight to prepare for, which required arising at a painfully early 4am.

The next day, depressed by my Facebook like-count, I mustered up the strength to log back in. What is the first thing I saw?

A picture of my teacher on international television beings interviewed as a representative of the American Catholic Society in Italy.

Wait...wait...what?!?!

He did it.

Abismado.

Then, I log in about five hours later. And he has a new status.

I'm thinkin'... "Who is THIS guy? Another new status?!"



His status read: "Change of Plans!! Rimango!! British Airways changed my flight to tomorrow! I'm staying one more day, 4 more votes. The Holy Spirit may not have led the Cardinals to a Pope but did in fact keep me here one more day!"


Okay. I'm officially abismado.


After explaining all this to one of my Spanish classes (a fruitless endeavor that was completely lost in translation), I was hustling to my next class at the hotel. As I walked in, just after having explained all of this abismado business, the revelation of the pope was on television in the bar. Taken aback is an understatement. I felt full. Just like I felt when I entered St. Peter's basilica and the other sights of St. Peter's Square.


Thoughts running through my head couldn't be processed and were derived as overwhelming feelings rather than coherent logic.


I was just there...


My teacher's there right now...


This is history...


Something is about to change in the world...


Having faith goes hand in hand with knowing who you are. If you have good energy and believe, good things happen. My teacher believes and lived it...

abismado: part I

This is going to be about a three part entry.
I've been floating around for quite some time.
And this dark cloud of my blog hangs over my head...
Not as a burden, but as a necessity.

I relish in recounting my experiences abroad. I relive them every time.

But, first, more of a spiritual, diary entry.

What is the most important thing in the world?

Is it living your dream? Is it being successful? Is it being happy? Where do all these things come from? How can you avoid grief, suffering, misery, depression, anxiety, pressure, temptation...?

I watch the series "Girls."

I hate/love it.

I want to punch Marnie in the face. I think Hannah is excessively excessive. I love Charlie--he is conflicted and hurt, but, plays it off like he isn't--the male silent restraint is perfect. Shosh is amazing--because she is real. In real life, her character exists and is just as caring and naiive as she is portrayed. Jessa is that person we all wish we could be--flighty, apathetic, hippy.

But, that's "girls."

We get hurt, we freak out, and don't know what the world is trying to tell us.

What is important to them in the show? Boys, money, a job, school...?

No.

Those are the physical representations of obstacles that pose emotional and internal conflict that we mentally and emotionally negotiate, daily, inorder to be able to wake-up and take on the day.

I've never had that group of "girls"-- four people in the same place at the same time. I love how it is romanticized. I love how it is in NYC. I love how it is a self-referential critique to "Sex and the City." It's an almost-homage as to say, "who they were before they got rich, sexy, and thirty..."

What do they have in "Sex and the City" that they don't in "Girls"...?

Financial stability.

That golden wheel that churns and produces energy, confidence, and profit.

But, is that what they are looking for in the show? Their golden nugget?

Yes. However, I think Lena Dunham wants to refer to control. When you lose control of your life, you feel like everything is falling and there is nothing you can do to stop it. So, you perpetuate your own downfall because you feel bad for yourself. So, you do things and make excuses for what you have done, in the extreme. Such as Marnie, who sings a horrendously embarrassing version of Kanye West's "Stronger" at her ex-boyfriend's work party that she inadvertently invited herself to. When confronted by her ex, Charlie, he tells her she is totally wacked. But, she is quick to defend. She says she is happier then she's ever been and that happy people don't have hard times. She is just kinda waiting...They are ALL just kinda waiting.  

This is why I love Lena Dunham.

Unless you have not lived this and are not striving for more or looking for answers in any and all aspects of your life, you miss it.

Which would mean, we all should get what she is eloquently saying without actually having the characters say it.

I have lost control of my life before. Lost perspective... Got my nose pierced...Cut my hair...Believed I was in love...

We can convince ourselves of almost anything when we try hard enough. (Thank God I know Gandalf is real, otherwise, I would believe I was actually him in the flesh).

What I believe is the most important thing in life is knowing who you are and being secure in that. If you know who you are, or have a foundation of who that person is, you always have a landmark to return to. It's very easy to get lost, run off track, and not be able to find your way back.

And the only way to remember who you used to be and still are is to do what you really want--living your dream.

So, I guess it is all a chain, cause/effect thingamajig. If you know who you are and do what you want, then, you will be happy. And if you are happy and positive, good things happen. The universe is balanced...

Just ask science.

The Earth rotates around the Sun while the Moon rotates around the Earth...

The Earth is the only known place with life....

So, live it and take advantage of this privilege we have been given.

Cause you only get one chance.

Be weird...It's way more FUN